Life is Hard, and then it gets Harder….

I am having one of those mornings where my mind is over-flowing with information and blog topics and I can’t decide where to run with it. This lady couldn’t be any happier! What a great Florida “winter” this has been so far and I could just squeal in delight!

I will say, I am noticing a trend in marriage, family and separation/divorce issues and it isn’t just marriages between 2 people, it is marriages of churches, marriages of countries, etc that is falling down all around right now. No one wins in the fights over marriage, divorce, children, money, power, or religion.

I am watching families struggle over job loss and/or wage loss, I am seeing churches struggle with rules, regulations, and differences in opinions, and I am watching families/countries fall apart over everything. We are in a hard time in life right now. It is a cold, dark season for many of us and people around us. Many are struggling with finding work, getting paid, struggling companies, struggling health, rising costs, loss in home values. Many are questioning their faith, questioning themselves, their loved ones and their God. Many are blaming others, blaming their country, blaming other countries and blaming themselves.

First, we live in a fallen world, period. Life isn’t supposed to always be easy, isn’t supposed to always be fair and we need to sometimes take a step back and look at the larger picture, not just the little corner of the picture we see in front of us right now.

I have said this before, we can’t see the whole book, we are just in one of many chapters right now, and we don’t know how the book is going to end, or how it is supposed to end. We may not like the chapter we are in right now and it may seem like the worst chapter and you just want it to end and go on to the next chapter, but I believe there are lessons to be learned and character being created at every turn in life and God has a plan for us.

I know in tough times it is hard not to say things you are feeling and even harder sometimes to keep those feelings to yourself sometimes. But, if those feelings are only going to make the situation worse, stuff them! I know it isn’t good to stuff feelings, but sometimes, you really need to for the greater ’cause’. I am not saying you have to keep them stuffed forever, but until things ease up a bit, or until you have really thought about the consequences those words, thoughts, feelings will have, keep them to your self.

Oh I am laughing right now, just thinking of all the psychiatrists and their butts puckering at me telling people to stuff their feelings! OK, so I don’t really mean stuff them, but maybe put them in your back pocket until things have cooled off a bit. Life sucks crap sometimes, it really does, but I have found that it usually does get better.

Hey, my life has been anything but rosey and peachy, yet I don’t really feel that way about my life. Yes, there have been heartaches/breaks, times where I really didn’t know how I was going to make it through, etc, but after those times passed, I look back at them and can hardly remember what was the problem, very often, I can’t feel the pain anymore or the anger/sadness. In fact, more often than not, I look back at those times fondly and am grateful for them, because my life wouldn’t be what I have right now, had I not gone through those things.

I don’t regret anything in life, yes if I had to tell someone not to repeat somethings I have done, I would, but I don’t regret anything, because that would mean I regret my current life, my husband, my children, my friends, etc….I don’t regret any of those things! My marriage hasn’t been easy, HA!, but it is my marriage, I took a vow and I chose that man standing next to me, I chose him and everything that came along with him, good, bad, or indifferent. When I said, for better or worse, in sickness and health, and richer or poorer, I really meant it and I joyfully said and plan to live by those vows.

I laugh because when I was dating my husband and when we got married, I totally had a different picture of how things would be. I KNEW I would be living somewhere in the mountains by now, either Colorado or Montana, I knew we would be traveling to great places, and I knew I would be taken care of financially and not just taken care of, but not really having much of a care in the world. I also knew I would have STAFF! OK, probably just a housekeeper, but still staff. I knew my husband would take me away from it all here in Florida and we would have this fabulous life with fun, friends, and not a care in the world. Yes everyone, I really, really, really thought that!

Fast forward 9+ years and you got it, I am in Florida still!! Ha, little did I know when I met my mountain man, who traveled, did exciting things, and lived a fast paced life, he had come back to Florida to escape that life, to get back to ‘normal’, to be with his family and he was just plain burned out. I also didn’t know, nor did he, that his company would move to the east coast, or that we would ever struggle financially, let alone for more than 7 years!
I certainly didn’t expect to have children with food sensitivities that are such an issue and so expensive that my grocery bills would be bigger than my mortgage!

I didn’t expect to ever live in a house with duct tape holding up walls, or carpeting in it that makes my children sick, or a dog that jumps my fence and runs away, or a 2 year old who only wants mommy, EVER! I didn’t expect that I wouldn’t have a perfectly clean and tidy home. (I really expected some magic switch to be flipped in me and I would all of a sudden, know how to clean and organize and love doing it! REALLY!)

Oh, and if you ask my husband! Hahahahahahahaha, he NEVER thought he would get married, actually never really thought about the future much at all. He never thought about marriage, children or that he would ever live in a teeny house in Clearwater, with children, a CAT, a stupid (really stupid) dog, hermit crabs, and I am sure he never thought there would be a day, he would struggle in providing for them all.

Truth is, we don’t know where life is going to take us. That hot summer night, when I went to my friends house to hang out in his driveway and met this big guy with glasses, who smoked the kind of cigarettes I thought only ‘dope smokers’ smoked, who knew I would marry him?! Same for him, he doesn’t know why he let me hop in the front seat of his new Jeep, quickly change the radio station and put on my make-up in the mirror, while directing him where to go and what we were doing….he doesn’t know why, but he does know he knew that night….he was in trouble. 🙂

Same things with me, I don’t know what it was that night, but all my friends were really trying to push us together, and at the time, I thought they were nuts, now, so glad they saw something I might never have.

Life makes no sense sometimes people! It really doesn’t, there is no one on earth who could have predicted my husband and I not only getting married, but having 4 children and living the life we do. But, we love our life, our family, and our little house with all of the quirks and issues. We love what God has provided and HE HAS provided. We love the journey we are on right now and that we are able to be on that journey together. We are team, come thick or thin, we are team. Hey, we have no flipping clue what we are doing most days and we have no idea where the future will take us and honestly, not really sure we are that great of parents and I KNOW we aren’t textbook spouses, but it is our life and it works for us.

No matter how bad life gets or seems to be, I try and remind myself, first, this is the life God gave me and as long as I am honoring HIM, I will be OK. I also remind myself, no matter what, someone is always hurting more than me, someone always has less than me, and I need to be grateful for the life I have. There will always be someone with more or less, there will always be someone who seems happier or sadder, there will always be disagreements, wars, and break-ups. That is life in the fallen world.

But, we need to respect those around us, we need to love those who need love the most, and we need to stand by our loved ones, no matter what. It sucks sometimes, it really does, but I can’t imagine quitting, to me, that would be so much worse.

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